Busy Waging Wars on Myself
by JustKeepGoing
Summary: Full summary inside, it was too long to fit in this. Mariisa goes to new port union, never got with ryan, meets someone unexpected. FEMSLASH, malex
1. Chapter 1

**Busy Waging Wars on Myself**

Placed when Marissa goes to Newport Union, except this time there's a twist. She never got back with Ryan after the break up. She just hid away from the world. When she enters the halls of Newport Union she found someone very unexpected. How will she handle it?

This is **FEM-SLASH** if you don't apporove of/like it then don't read it. It's your choice. Just don't flame me because you hate fem-slash.

Rated PG-13 for mild swearing, some violence, maybe some drugs/alcohol -All this will come in later chapters

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Marissa dragged her feet across the cool tile floor of Newport Union. There were large, dark circles under her eyes; her hands were thinner then usual; and her once bright smile was faded and low. Her life had taken a turn after that day. That day which she'd never forget, but still tried hard to, the day she hated. Her eyes scanned the hallway in front of her. It wasn't like her old school, not at all. If only she hadn't… She shook her head at the despised topic. She was at a new school. She could start out fresh, right? She held her book bag loosely under her arm, a small school map clutched in her hand.

The lanky girl searched over her schedule for the fiftieth time. It held no hint about where she was supposed to be going. Here she was again lost, but thankfully this time not in her emotions. She sighed, tapping her foot against the tile. Where should she go? She hunted again for a clue. Not finding one, she staggered into the bathroom, her schedule stuffed haphazardly in her pocket. Shuffling over to the sink, she gazed at her reflection. _God you look horrible, hope that's just the mirror._ She frowned and sighed once more, turning the water down the hall on.

Marissa splashed the cool, murky water over her face; bringing some life to its unlit features. She grabbed for a paper towel, mumbling a few things before tossing it in the trash. Fully focused on finding help, she fixed her hair then scurried out. _You would think they'd be more helpful_. Just her luck, no one was in the halls, teachers no where to be found, a still silence hanging over the school. She began to pace, thinking over her choices. She could just randomly walk into a classroom, but that idea would be her last resort. She needed a smarter way.

Marissa leaned against the wall, there had to be a way to find the office at least. Sadly only classrooms were to find. She, once again, was left without an answer. She bit her lip. She hadn't felt this misplaced since her little mishap with Oliver, since his New Year's Eve party. She pinched herself out of her thoughts. Eying a lady in the hall she made her way over, only to watch her escape into a room. She grumbled a few swears. Random classroom it was then. She once again took a good look around. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Every room was numbered which signified they were classrooms to Marissa. She scratched her head, but then laid her eyes on a door labeled office.

She knocked on it, not wanting to simply barge in. Gaining a faint 'come in,' Marissa hobbled in. To her surprise, instead of seeing large desks manned by sweet-sour secretaries, she found a selection of cubicles tucked away in the corner. She cleared her throat, a failed attempt for attention. She shrugged. She really was alone. _Mark that, staff equal crap,_ she snickered. To the side of the room she noticed five doors lined up, one to two word initials marked on it. VP, P, T, C, G, she guessed the 'P' stood for principal.

"Mr. Refini?" The brunette ducked her head into what she presumed to be the principal office. The room held no appeal to Marissa. Harbor had been so fancy this run down office looked like a jail cell to her. Still, she stayed focused on the room. There was a small chair turned away from her. "Mr. Refini?" The chair turned. A short, balding man sat in a large, padded, leather chair, signing various sheets of paper scattered on his desk. The man didn't look up. "Mr. Refini?" She called again.

This time the man looked up; his eyes were a faded and all knowing deep brown, a white, straggly beard tipped his chin, and his face covered in sunken wrinkles. She couldn't help but cringe. He was just so, so ugly.

"Yes, you must be Marissa Cooper." He stood from his seat and hobbled over to Marissa. Marissa stepped aside, letting the old man lead. They passed numerous classrooms; the schedule in her hand said first period math was in room 132. "Here, 132, one second." Mr. Refini stood in front of the doorway. "Mr. Ovisca, can I see Alex please?" Marissa tapped her finger on her forearm. Alex was probably some bulky guy, so sure of himself. Still, the faded blonde that hid in her mind popped up. _No, it can't be her. She left,_ Marissa thought, bowing her head.

She had buried that memory so far away. It was an unwanted miracle that it made its way through the thicket of trees in her head. She never faced her fears, this was the same case. Her one stupid fear she avoided was the one thing she wished had never ended. Marissa's emotions had weaved a complicated path over the years, and not once had she been able to untangle the threads. It was all clumped together. So she instead threw them to the back of her mind, masking them with substances.

"Marissa?" She cringed. It wasn't true. With all her heart, her mind, she tried to convince herself it was just a boy with a high pitch voice. Still she looked up. Blonde hair, purple streak, cerulean eyes met her eyes. It was her alright, the infamous Alex Kelly. A person she'd vowed never to let get to her, not again. Hell, she didn't even think she'd see her again, yet her she stood, in front of her favorite nightmare. "….Never thought I'd see you again."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two, dun, dun, dun… haha anywho .. this story, yes, is already written to the like 9th chapter. So I'm just catching it up on this site haha… I liked it enough to put it on…

Chapter 2

Marissa was left speechless. Why was this happening? Alex had left, hadn't she? Guess not, that was definitely Alex standing before her, no doubts about it. Marissa forced herself to stay put, the urge to run pulsing under her skin. She was here to stay no matter what. She just had to find a way to do it. She looked at the ground. Maybe if she just pretended Alex wasn't there it wouldn't get to her.

"Well, you two seem to know each other. Marissa, Alex will be your guide around the school, you two have the same schedule as it works out." Mr. Refini informed Marissa. Did she just hear him right? They shared the same schedule. How, why, all she wanted to do right now was stay as far away from Alex as possible, but now she was going to spend the whole year with her. Marissa's jaw dropped to the floor, her hands crinkling her schedule. This had to be a joke. "You know where to find me." At that the principal left, leaving the two girls alone in the hallway. Marissa suddenly became very interested in her feet, her hands toying with each other. _What to say, what to say._ She fumbled from topic to topic.

"Uh, hi," she managed to get out, a warm red settling on her cheeks. Gaining enough confidence to look over the blonde, her eyes wandered over Alex. She seemed well, skin pink and rosy, lips glossed and pink, hair shiny, and she smelled rather nice. Marissa kicked herself mentally for that last observation. Never was she going to fall for that blonde, not again. She would never let herself get hurt again. "So I guess we're going to be seeing each other… A lot." She smiled at Alex. She always had to state the obvious. It was her talent, her gift.

"You think," Alex smiled back. God she loved that smile, still after all they went through that smile got to her. She shook her head. She shouldn't think like that. They weren't together. They were very from being together. "C'mon we should get to class; we'll talk in the free we have next." Marissa looked at her schedule, so far, same schedule just as Mr. Refini had said. Marissa watched Alex pull herself back into class. This was going to be one hell of a year. Marissa treaded into the classroom. She almost fell over when she saw the teacher. Mr. Ovisca was tall, even for a man, he towered over her by at least four inches, his hair was thinning, the toupee covering his head failed its job, and his outfit was a brown suit with a bright blue tie.

"You must be Ms. Cooper. Would you please take your seat next to Alex?" Marissa sighed. Everything had to revolve around Alex. Why couldn't she just get a break? She threw her thoughts to the side. School came first or whatever. She squished in between Alex and another girl, her thigh brushing up against Alex's. A thin wave of chill cascaded through her form. The shivers were here again. They happened before they got together, and now here they were again, after the break up.

"Sorry," she whispered as she slid into her seat. She could feel the warmth of the two girl's body on her skin. It felt amazing, especially Alex's heat. She kicked herself under the table. _It's over, Marissa, over._ She screamed at herself over and over again, sometimes even kicking herself. Unfortunately the tight quarters she shared was a little two tight, causing her to hit Alex. Oddly enough, she never did come in contact with the brunette beside her. She was pulled to Alex for some reason. She hated to admit that though. She wanted to stay as far away as possible, but that pull just grew stronger and stronger. The bell rang loud, startling Marissa from her seat. She regained her composure, but lost it almost second later, her entire body being jerked out of the room.

"Ok now we can talk," Alex had managed to grab her from class and relocate to a more secluded area. This was going to be serious. Marissa found herself in the girl's bathroom. It was empty, but she was sure at one point or another someone would walk in. Someone always walked it. It was what bathrooms were for, coming and going at a regular basis. "Don't worry no one ever comes in here, it's like a rule or something." Alex assured her. Marissa looked up. Alex knew her too well.

"I can't believe I'm here, with you. I never thought I'd have to deal… I mean do this again." Marissa stared into Alex's eyes, finding it hard to come up with words. She never thought she'd feel this way, not again. But something about Alex, maybe it was her eyes or her smile, or even the soft of her touch; Marissa just felt compelled to touch her. She tried to shake the sensation off. She needed to stay calm, cool and collected. She didn't love Alex anymore. She couldn't. "I'm sorry; it's just too weird, you, me, in the same school, same schedule." Marissa dropped her gaze.

"It's weird for me too, you know." Alex smirked, leaning against the wall. "We're going to have to deal with it through the year," Marissa pondered what the blonde was getting at. "Why don't we just start over, put the past behind us, hakuna matata?" Alex suggested. That was a big change, from awkward to 'let's be friends.' Marissa smiled shyly at the suggestion. She liked it. Hopefully it would work. The only problem was that she couldn't forget that trauma already. She even wondered if she ever could. Marissa stared up at Alex; she nodded 'yes;' though she wasn't quite sure it was a good idea. "Good, now friends, not that we weren't, right?" Alex smiled, holding out a hand.

Emotions rampaged through her body. Parts of her wanted nothing more then to feel Alex's warmth, other parts screaming stay away and other parts just confused, unsure what to do. Her head jumbled every ounce of feeling she had, making any conclusion of what to do unclear. Marissa threw herself into Alex's arms instead, hugging the blonde. She didn't know why. It just felt like her mind was collapsing and there was no other option. It did feel right. It felt perfect, like it completed her in some odd manner.

"I'm sorry…" She backed off, head sunk low. Alex looked stunned, arms still positioned to the side as if hugging air. Marissa gave a small snicker. Alex dropped her arms, a bright red blush consuming her face. Marissa felt her own cheeks warm to greet Alex's. She tugged on her shirt, once again looking the blonde over. Here she was again, thinking about Alex. She knew she had to stop. Someone would get hurt if she didn't. But every time she tried a new thought would pop back into her brain. "What time does class end?" Marissa changed the subject, also digressing away from her train of thought. Alex's eyes met Marissa's.

"In about ten minutes." Alex answered. Marissa slid up beside Alex. _Nothing to do but wait._ What a boring life she lived. She grinned to herself. A still silence sat firmly between the two girls. Neither of the two girls seemed to mind. They just stood, staring at the wall in front of them. The silence was rather nice for Marissa. It let her get a few things off her mind, thoughts about Ryan, her mother, and the reason she was expelled. The bell shrilled, waking Marissa from her thoughts. Marissa muttered a few curses before following Alex out the door and to they're next class, science. Once again she found herself between two bodies. This time it was Alex and a guy. The boy was tall with ruffled brown hair. His smile was bright, and his face almost cute. Still, Marissa found her body leaning towards Alex.


	3. Chapter 3

Yay, chapter three is done. Phew, that was a hard one. Well hope you like it! This story is never ending in a good way… lol

Chapter 3

Marissa sighed; the end of the day was finally here. She had survived her first day of public school. The only problems had included a certain blonde, not the actual school. She had been endowed with a stress filled choice. Alex had invited her to study with her. Of course she had said yes, how could she not? She valued every moment she had with Alex with a sense of love, hate and fear, and the fear and hate she held within needed to be changed into friendship and trust. The only way to do that was to get accustomed to Alex being back in her life.

Alex plopped herself on the couch. Marissa giggled watching the blonde lose her balance and then regain it. Marissa settled on the ground, not wanting to get too close to Alex. Her instincts told her getting close to Alex could cause a major relapse, and she didn't want that. All she wanted was to be friends with the blonde. She trailed her finger over the carpet and smiled. She could already feel the hate slipping through her fingers, the soft silence between them biting away at it. Marissa bit her lip. Should she talk? She furrowed her brow, for some reason any words she might have had had disappeared.

"I missed you," Marissa spoke, words suddenly flying to her tongue. Did she really just say that? Marissa had never been good with keeping in her thoughts, but this was her first. Never had she said her exact thoughts. Alex jerked her head up at the sudden noise. Her jerking movement sent her body weight out of proportion, sending the blonde on a one way course to the floor. That was the Alex she knew. Marissa giggled, crawling over to the slim girl. _I wish things could go back… to the beginning,_ Marissa gazed at the punk. What would have happened if she hadn't been so, so scared? She let the question slip out of her mind, leaning back on the couch.

"I missed you too," Alex sighed. Marissa stared, amused by the blonde's lips as they moved. Here she went again, gawking over the blonde. Quickly Marissa shifted farter away from Alex, not wanting to go back to that 'stupid' crush. "What did I miss while I was gone?" Alex grabbed her notebook from the couch, an unfinished assignment lingering on top. Marissa put her finger to her mouth. So much had happened, but what to tell Alex? Should she tell her about Trey or what about the carnival or maybe something else? She didn't know.

"Well, Seth and Summer are together, Ryan and I…." Marissa pieced together her thoughts though not continuing that last one. "Ryan, he, uh, let's just say, punched the principal at the carnival." Alex laughed. Not knowing how to respond to Alex, Marissa just laughed along, giving the blonde a small blush as she did.

"So, no big 'oh my god Seth!' moments?" Alex waved her hands in the air to express herself. Marissa giggled. Should she tell her? There wasn't any big Seth moments, but what about her 'oh my god' moment. Should she tell Alex? Marissa shook her 'no' "Any big 'oh my god!' moments then?" Marissa held back her words. She didn't want to say the truth, but her heart told her she should. She bit her lip once more. What should she do? She needed to stay true to herself, yet she also needed to hide the truth from Alex. She didn't need to know, not right now.

"Well, I did shoot a guy, Ryan's brother." Marissa dropped her gaze to the floor. Why'd she just say that? Now she'd have to explain why. Alex's eyes bulged, and in a 'Seth-like' move, leaned forward and rubbed her eyes with her fists.

"You did what? Damn, little Ms. Cooper, never thought you had it in you." Alex laughed. Marissa faked a shy smile, jotting down an answer on her homework. She knew the question was coming. The question she feared most. The question she hated. "So why'd you shoot him?" There it was the dreaded question. Marissa's hand rose to her chest where the bruise had been. She winced in pain, remembering the accident. She could never tell the story, not again. Every time she repeated the horror movie she felt it. Still a faint voice in her head pushed her to tell it.

"I… He…Trey…" Marissa sucked in her gut; the words tied to her tongue, refusing to let go. A clod of broken tears bulged in her throat. She attempted to swallow it, but the wad stayed strong. "I'm sorry," she burst in to tears. Her body tumbled forwards, falling into Alex. Alex embraced the girl, holding her tight in her arms. The heat felt good to Marissa, almost taking away the pain aching inside her. Marissa buried her head in the crook of Alex's neck. Through her tears and her stuffed up nose she could smell Alex's delicious scent. The scent grasped at the wad of tears she held inside, pulling them away. Marissa's sobs began to soften, her head clearing and all she could think was how she missed Alex's comfort. It felt so good, just being in Alex's grasp, her familiar scent consuming her and the heat of her body against her. It felt so good. She wished it would last forever.

"You okay, I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked." Alex peeled the girl off her, holding her arms length away. Even through her blurred vision, Marissa could make out Alex's defined facial features. Marissa wiped her tears way and nodded, a weak smile light on her face. She had never felt so good after crying. This new, well old but renewed comfort hugged her perfectly, bringing her back to her 'happy' self. Alex dropped her hands to her side. The brunette shuddered at the loss of warmth, her smile fading. She plopped her self down on the couch. She wanted more. She couldn't have more, but she wanted more. She desired that warmth again. She craved for what they had before.

"So what about you, what's been going on?" Marissa regained her composure as she wiped the dried tears off her face with the sleeve of her shirt. Maybe changing the subject would help her get back to normal. Alex handed Marissa a tissue. She gratefully took it, dabbing at her eyes.

"Nothing much, went back to school, still haven't seen my parents like I said I would, moved in here with a friend." Alex smiled, putting her finished homework to the side. Marissa gazed at it, her eyes tracing the four letters of Alex's name. "Be right back," Alex stretched her arms out. Marissa nodded, her eyes focused elsewhere. She noted the sound of the kitchen door shutting, yet her entire form was focused on something else. Yes, that thing had to do with Alex, but not on Alex the person. Her mind, her body was focused on Alex's homework for some strange reason. She didn't quite know why, but she had suddenly become obsessed with the neatness, the fine detail of Alex's print.

A few minutes had flown by, worrying the tall girl. Alex had said 'be right back' not 'be back in a few.' She knew she shouldn't be worried. It was only a few minutes. It wasn't like Alex had left her. Alex was still in the house, right?

"Alex?" Marissa called, the worry finally getting to her. Not receiving an answer, Marissa stood from the couch, padding over to the kitchen. She was in there, right? Wrong, Marissa found herself standing before an empty room. She, she wasn't there. Marissa felt her stomach churn. Where was Alex? "Alex? She called again. She scurried out of the kitchen. "Alex?" She found herself weighted outside Alex's door, her ear plastered against it. She knew it was wrong, listening in on Alex's conversation, but she just, just had to. At first it didn't sound like much, a phone call between friends. Marissa still listened on. Who was Alex talking to? She wondered, pressing her ear closer to the wood. Her eyes bulged when she heard the phone click off, her hand scampering to the door knob. Did she just say what she thought she said? This couldn't be true. No, it wasn't true, was it?


	4. Chapter 4

God, I hate this stupid, go download it then add it stuff… it's sooo time taking lol

"Goodbye, Summer?" Marissa crashed in, tears settling at the bases of her eyes. She never thought Summer would betray her, not like this, never like this. She never thought Summer could go behind her back. Summer couldn't go one minute without talking, _so how did she contact Alex with out me knowing?_ "So let me get this straight, you've been keeping in contact with my best friend and nobody told me!" Alex shot up and ran to the girl. Marissa stepped back, but everything she did was useless. Her heart was skipping beats, her hands clenching, and her mind a rollercoaster about to crash. Alex's hands fell on Marissa's shoulders, her words to soft to be heard. Marissa didn't listen, ignoring the blonde. How could this happen to her? She should have known.

A torrent of tears raged down Marissa's cheek, dabbling in to her mouth. She spit the tangy substance out, a new wave of anger suddenly taking over her. The anger was confused, who to be mad at? Her two friends had both been in on it. Marissa bit her lip. Who to blame?

"I don't know who to be mad at you or Summer!" Marissa screamed swiftly turning to the door, tearing away from Alex. She just wanted to be alone, or so her mind said. Her heart was yelling something different. Her hear told her to stay. Marissa gulped down a ball of tears. Gaining enough courage, the brunette turned to the blonde. "I want to know why, what?" Alex stepped up to her. Marissa bowed her head, not wanting to look at the girl she thought she could trust. No more did that urge to hug her, touch her exist in her body. Only that strong hate that she had thought had gone away remained. Alex hugged the girl, holding her tight in her arms. Marissa stiffened. She had to admit the hug was relaxing. "I want answers," Marissa blubbered, warming into Alex's embrace. The hate held strong, but Marissa could tell the love that hid in her was overpowering it.

"Summer was worried; she called me." Alex remained calm, walking the red-faced girl to her bed. Marissa hic-upped, her thumbs fiddling with each other. "She said she was scared that you were wasting away." Alex said. In truth, Marissa had gotten skinnier, alcohol was almost always in her breath, and she had yet to get back with Ryan or any boy, for that matter, since the bonfire. She didn't think any of her friends had noticed. They hadn't commented on it. Marissa sobbed. She was wrong. Her friends had noticed. She was just too drunk to notice them. "When she told me you were coming to Newport Union I told her I'd keep an eye on you." Marissa, as ticked off as she was, rested her head on Alex. The switch in her head had been flipped once more to love. The hate was slipping away.

"Did you call her or did she call you just now?" Marissa asked, her tears slowly drying on her flushed cheeks. Why did she care? It didn't matter who call who or why, just that she was talking to Summer. Alex ran her fingers through Marissa's hair. Marissa looked up. Alex hadn't changed, or she didn't seem to have changed. "Why didn't you suffer from our, the…" She trailed off, her question gleaming in her eyes. There she went again speaking her mind, saying what ever popped up in her mind. But Alex had taken a fair share of blow from the break up. She had forgotten about her job at the , moved in with a friend, forgotten her punk appearance and stopped drinking.

"I called her. I'm sorry. I might seem like a reporter. I just wanted to know what happened, so I could help you, comfort you." Alex hushed. Marissa sighed and smiled, knowing that Alex cared about her was all she needed. It was more than she needed. All she wanted was somebody who cared, but never had she thought that person would be Alex. "You're not mad?" Marissa mumbled a soft 'no'. She couldn't be mad, not now. Not when she had found someone who cared. Even if she was mad it wouldn't have mattered. She wouldn't have showed. She'd just forget it.

"I could never be mad at you." Marissa breathed. Alex smiled, her fingers caressing Marissa's neck. Marissa purred, the soft of Alex's touch sending shivers down her spine. She was falling for her alright, right down the same path she had taken last time. She mentally kicked herself. She didn't want to go down that path. That path only led to pain not love. She just wanted to be friends or at least friends for right now. She couldn't handle anything else at the time. Time had passed. She didn't register how much, but when she was finally release from Alex's caring embrace it was dinner time.

"So, I don't have any food here, and I doubt you want to go eat in that trailer park Summer was telling me about so," Alex broke the silence. Marissa brought her eyes to Alex. Looking up at the blonde was new for her. Until now she had been oblivious that Alex was even more gorgeous from this angle. She had never thought Alex could be any more gorgeous then she was, but this moment, the view proved her wrong. Marissa smiled. "We could go out, there's a diner close by." Alex smiled back. And that smile, that smile was spectacular from down below. _Damn, I wish I'd found this when we were together. _Marissa sighed, if only it had lasted. Dropping out of her gaze, Marissa pulled out of Alex's warmth. The sudden cold took over her body, making the brunette collapse right back into the warmth. She took another attempt at getting up, and this time in was successful.

"What about your friend?" Marissa asked, a wave of pain striking through her body. She didn't want to interrupt anything they had planned, but she didn't want to lose the time with Alex either. She had to be polite though. Alex looked up and blinked. Marissa observed the blonde bite her lip, causing a blush to consume her cheeks. That expression, although Summer did it a lot, fit Alex just right, making her look like the baby she wasn't. Marissa shook her head, returning to packing her school belongings.

"Oh, Johnny? He won't mind, he's probably staying over his girlfriend's house for the weekend." Alex stood a mischievous smirk present on her. Why was she smirking? Marissa scratched her head. Alex wasn't about to tickle her, was she? When they were dating the smirk would come first, second a small laugh, and then the rapid fingers. But they weren't dating, so why the smirk? "You know, you can leave your stuff here." Marissa's nerves calmed, but a faint disappointment held strong in her soul. She wanted to be tickled deep inside. Marissa dropped her bag on the worn out couch and followed Alex out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

Yay diner time! I hope you like it! The malex is beginning to show…. Dun dun dun not sure what that means but whatever lol. oh disclaimer: I do not own THE OC if I did Alex would still be on and Che would be the main character, not Ryan haha lol

Marissa pulled herself into the passenger seat of Alex's red jeep. It had been so long since they'd gone out to eat, just the two of them. When she entered the care a wave of smells attacked her. The strongest smell was definitely Alex, but she could pick out other scents such as old laundry or the faint smell of rotting food. She discarded the other two scents, buckling her seatbelt. She had missed this car, and the memories it held. The memories of when they'd been too indulged in one another to move to the house, or when they would sneak out from parties to have a party of their own in the back seat. Marissa gulped. She needed to forget those times, put it aside. They were friends now, just friends.

Marissa eyed Alex from the corner of her eye. She blushed, a heat filling inside her stomach. She was gorgeous. The brunette bit her lip, thinking like that was only going to get her in trouble. She didn't like her any more. Marissa clenched the hem of her shirt, fighting the want to look at the blonde just one more time. Ignoring the pain to examine Alex, Marissa turned the radio on, the sounds of 'Modern Swinger' by The Pink Spiders filling the car. Marissa bobbed her head to the beat, gaining a snicker from the driver.

The rest of the ride was quiet, peaceful even. Marissa didn't mind it, though her eyes seemed to travel over to Alex anytime they had the chance. She couldn't keep them away from her. Never once did she look at the road or out to the side to se where they were, well no until the car came to a sudden halt. By that time, her eyes were glued at the building before.

"This is the place?" Marissa looked at the small diner. The paint was chipping; two of the neon lights were out so the sign read 'crap,' and the lighting dim. It didn't look like anything special. Was Alex loosing her taste? She had known Alex to pick so weird, run down looking places but not this run down. This place looked like, well, crap.

"Yep, good old Scraps. Doesn't look like much but the food's great." The inside was as bad as the outside. Bright red seats lined the wall, ripped and torn, the bar stools rocked from side to side when the door closed, and the waiters dressed in plaid, red, pink, and purple outfits. Marissa sneered. It was so ugly. So far, Alex was failing her job at finding 'cool' places. "Where do you want to sit?" Marissa looked around. She didn't want to be out where everyone could see her, but did she want to be in secluded area with Alex? She decided that a secluded area, as bad as it sounded to her, was better than an area out in the open. Marissa pointed to a secluded booth in the corner that seemed less damaged then the others.

"So who's this Johnny fellow you moved in with?" Marissa scanned her menu. It wasn't like the diner back home; the food was average, the waiters slow and the atmosphere ruined by the vomit-like smell coming from the kitchen. Marissa cringed. It smelt worse than vomit if that's even possible. Marissa looked up at Alex who didn't seem to notice the smell. She sighed; even now the force behind her distraught love grew stronger. The strong odor couldn't push it back.

"He's a family friend, his parents own the apartments. When they heard I lost my job and needed a place to stay, Johnny offered and his parents complied." Alex smiled ordering a diet coke and a hamburger; Marissa got the same. She didn't know what to order anyway, and since Alex was – well, used to be – a master at ordering good food, she just followed suite. "He's never there though, most of the time he's out with his girlfriend." Marissa smiled and looked down at her lap. Girlfriend. That word rang hard in her ear, over and over. They used to be girlfriends. Alex used to be her girlfriend. But not anymore, now they were just friends. The word 'girlfriend' had no meaning to her, or at least it shouldn't have meaning to her. Marissa shook her head, her eyes meeting Alex's.

"Well I'd tell you about the trailer, but there's not much to hear." Marissa propped her elbows on the table, sipping her coke. The trailer was definitely not as interesting. It was just a heap of garbage waiting to be taken out. She didn't even get why her mother bought it anyway. They needed a place to stay, yes. But a trailer with a disgusting old man as a landlord wasn't what she intended.

"Two hamburgers," the waitress croaked, interrupting Marissa from her train of thought. The hamburgers did look edible, but Marissa still wasn't sure this place was under the 'cool' list. Marissa sighed, might as well dig in. Simultaneously the two girls chomped into their hamburgers. Marissa didn't keep her eyes off Alex. Watching her eat had been her passion back then, and surprisingly, it still was. Back then she had watched for juice to leak out of those lush lips so she could kiss it off. But now, now she was just watching. Sadly her mind was in another world, and her body in her minds control. Marissa watched a drop of hamburger juice drip down the side of Alex's mouth. Just the chance her mind wanted. Marissa unconsciously leaned in and kissed the juice off.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I don't know why I just did that." She jerked back, blushing profusely. Why, why'd she do that? Marissa bit her lip. She shouldn't have down that. Alex was going to hate her now. Alex looked at her, hand on mouth. "I should go." She shot out of her seat. If she left it would be over. She wouldn't have to deal with the conversation. She would have to deal with Alex telling her over and over again that they were just friends. But before she could get out the door, a hand encircled her wrist and held her back.

"You don't have to go," Alex's words caught Marissa of guard. There wasn't a long chat? There was only a 'you don't have to go?' Marissa stared at her, fighting the urge to lean down and kiss her. Her lips felt so good that last time. It felt so right to kiss her just one last time. God she hoped it wasn't the last time. Marissa complied after a short minute, sitting back down in her place. The blonde smiled at Marissa.

"I'm sorry, it's just, I," Marissa blushed once more, playing with a french fry. Marissa didn't know what to say. It was an accident, but how to say that? How to say 'I just kissed you, but I didn't mean to' kindly? There wasn't a way. Either way it was going to come out rude.

"You don't have to excuse yourself, stuff happens. I've accidentally kissed my ex before." Alex winked. Marissa sighed. Alex could be so assuring, so comforting sometimes. She didn't have to explain herself. Alex just knew. That was definitely the most comforting thing that anyone had done for her. So why'd she leave her? Why didn't they last? Why did she have to play with Ryan? Why couldn't they be together? _I can't want her, not again._ Marissa took a bite of her hamburger; eyes locked on the blonde. The rest of the time was spent in silence, the two girls basking in each others presence.

Well maybe the blonde was, but Marissa was stuck in daydream land. Those dreams filled with Alex. Deep inside her she could feel the strong ache to be with Alex. She had loved Alex so much back then. She didn't even know why she had let the blonde go. All she remembered was the long time spent on the log crying and that for the longest time she couldn't get over the break up. The feeling of love still lingered in her, but over the years of pain and heartbreak she had tucked it away. Tonight though, tonight it was coming back to life. She stared at the blonde before her, the elegance of her tanned skin greeting her eyes. She mouthed the word gorgeous, a faint blush creeping onto her cheeks. She still loved Alex. The realization hit hard and fast, almost sending a wave of tears to her eyes. She loved Alex. There was no more denying it. No more, 'I don't love hers.' But what should she do about it? She could try again. _What if I try and it doesn't work out… then what?_ Marissa cringed, clamping her teeth down on her hamburger.

"Here's your bill," Marissa watched Alex take the bill, eye it and then slam it down on the table along with a twenty dollar bill. Marissa smirked, same old Alex, straight and to the point, eat, pay, and done. Alex stood from her seat, motioning for the brunette to follow. Following suite, Marissa dragged her feet out the door. The moon lit the night sky with a dim shine, the stars not bothering to help. Marissa sighed, a faint giggle laying in the background as she watched Alex search for her car. Finding the familiar red jeep, the two girls hopped in. Marissa lay back in her seat, her hands fumbling with the buckle. Hearing a click, followed by the hum of the engine, Marissa lifted her eyes to the dash board. The car clock read 10 PM.

"God it's late!" Marissa yawned. She hadn't stayed up this late in ages. She was able to it was just that her friends couldn't keep her up. This staying up late thing was new to her. Alex chuckled, her eyes twinkling with love. "You mind if I crash at your place? Devil-mom is home and I don't want to face her wrath." Marissa yawned once more, scratching the back of her neck. In truth her mom was probably out drinking her head off, but Marissa just wanted an excuse to spend more time with Alex. Marissa flicked the radio on. "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls was playing.

"Nope, not at all," Alex pulled up in front of the apartment.


	6. Chapter 6

Next chapter!! Yay it's going up I'm …. More than half way there.. then I get to actually take a break!!... I get to read more… damn it…. I have to go search for stuff…

Marissa scooted out of the sticky leather car seat. She hated long car rides, but Alex made them nice. She made it fun to ride in a car. It was weird. They never talked in the car; the only sound would be the radio. And rather than listening to the music, she just sat there, twiddling her fingers. Marissa blushed as she waited for Alex to open the door. That was a half true. She didn't always sit and twiddle her fingers. Rather she sat and gawked at Alex's beauty. She didn't mean to. She tried her hardest not to. They were just friends. It's just she often found her eyes being pulled to the blonde and by the time she would notice she was staring she was hooked.

Alex tapped on Marissa's shoulder. It wasn't so much the tap that woke Marissa from her daze. It was the sudden shivers that waved through her body that did. It was like the first time they me, or the first time they touched. One of the two anyway, it was like back then. Marissa let out a faint gasp. How could just one touch do that? She had forgotten that touch. It had been so long since touches like that affected her. The last time shudders like that went down her spine was when she was crushing on Alex. The time when she didn't know what was going and the only thing she knew was that she liked Alex. It was that feeling.  
Marissa regained her composure and shook her hair, her eyes darting to Alex. There was a smirk planted firmly on her lips. Could she read her? Did Alex know what she was thinking? She bit her lip, trying to clear her mind. They were just friends. Why did she have to keep reminding herself that? Friends mean that nothing should happen between them. They were only there to talk and help each other out, not to play with each others pleasure spot.

They paced themselves slowly as they crept down the large hall leading to Alex's room. Marissa watched her own steps along with Alex's, carefully eyeing where her feet planted themselves each time they touched the ground. It had gotten so normal that when the two girls stopped Marissa had forgotten where she was. Looking up, she followed Alex into her room.

"You can wear something of mine if you like," Marissa had been too upset to notice the room last time. Alex's room was a light pink, a pink, king sized bed in the middle and two smaller night tables on either side of it. The room itself though was rather small, the perfect size for two though. It screamed 'I want a roommate,' or something like that. Marissa gulped. She didn't want her to room with her did she? Marissa didn't mind of course. She wanted to sleep with Alex so bad, not in the slut way, but she did want to share the same bed. She wanted to feel Alex's heat against her body again.

"Thank you, that'd be good," Marissa sighed, plopping down on the bed. It was comfy, the padding engulfing her weight. It was just the bed she could get lost in, with or without Alex. Falling onto her back, Marissa gazed at the ceiling, with Alex would be nice. But already she knew sleep was to be found on the couch. There was no way Alex was going to let her sleep with her. Hearing the drawer slam closed, Marissa looked up and was immediately hit with a cluster of clothes. Untangling the mess of clothes, she held up a small tank top and short-shorts. "Thank you." Marissa smiled and stood from her resting spot, forgetting her thoughts. Trotting off to the bathroom, she scrunched the clothes in her hand.

_I'm not going to do anything_. Marissa peeled her old clothes off and threw them to the floor. The air felt cool against her skin, making her want Alex's heat even more. Even in the coldest of times Alex had always made her warm. She had always been her blanket, a source of comfort. Marissa pulled the tank top over her head. She couldn't believe she was with Alex again. Well not with her but she was sleeping in the same house again. Maybe that comfort would be hers again. Sliding into the shorts, Marissa eyed herself in the mirror. She looked like a slut, but if it pleased Alex, she'd wear it. Marissa stepped out, her steps wavering. What if Alex didn't mean for the outfit to be so, so revealing? What if she didn't like it? She was so wrong.

"Wow," Alex's mouth dropped open into an 'O'. The tank came down just above her belly button and the shorts covering her ass by and inch; if she bent down both cheeks were visible. Ignoring the blush consuming her face, Marissa giggled. _And that's why I love her._ Marissa ran her fingers through her hair. Did she really just think that? She couldn't love her, could she? It wasn't exactly the best thing to fall for her ex. It couldn't get too far. She had to stop herself before she was heads over heels. She had to save their friendship. She couldn't wreck it. They had to be friends. They couldn't be anything more. She reminded herself for the fiftieth time. Marissa examined Alex, all of her clothes fit; only her arms and toned legs were left bare. Why couldn't she wear something more revealing?

"So you have a choice. You can sleep here with me," Alex motioned to the large bed. Marissa nodded, her body forcibly being pulled across the hall. "Johnny's room," Alex opened the door. Marissa snorted at the sight of the room. The room was a pigsty, clothes covered the floor, the stench unbearable and the bed unmade. That was a definite no. "Or the lumpy couch," the couch wasn't that good either. The cushions were ripped and stained, and they dipped in. She must've not noticed it when they were studying. "I'd say the most comfortable would be my bed." Alex winked. It was like Alex wanted to share a bed. It wasn't like she didn't want to share a bed, but what if something happened. What if she couldn't control her self? Marissa shook her thoughts aside. She could control herself. She had to. Where was she going to sleep the couch, with a pig? She didn't think so.

"Yeah, not into lumpy couch and Johnny's room, disgusting, I swear I saw a pig in there." Marissa laughed. She bit her lip not wanting to sound too excited. If she could show her feelings she'd be bouncing up and down. She would probably end up kissing Alex. Marissa couldn't risk that. She had to play it cool. "So your bed it is I guess." She blushed. "That is, you don't mind." Why'd she ask that? What if she did mind? She could've just ruined her chance at sharing a bed with Alex.

"Not at all," Alex said, wiggling under the covers. Marissa let out a sigh of relief. She didn't ruin her chance, and now, now she was sharing a bed with Alex. She was sharing a bed with Alex. _Wow._ Alex padded a spot next to her. Marissa smirked scurrying over to the bed, her attempt at 'playing it cool' failing miserably. Marissa snuggled in, sighing with a smile bright on her face. They were so close. She could feel Alex's body against hers. It felt so good. Too engaged in her thoughts, Marissa missed Alex turning the TV on. Startled by the new sounds, Marissa looked up to find a guy getting his Achilles tendon cut. Marissa screamed. What were they watching?

"What, what is this?" Her teeth chattered. She hated horror films. Alex laughed, slapping a hand on Marissa's back.

"House of Wax," Alex grinned. Marissa's hand darted for the remote. There was no way she was going to watch a horror movie. Not even if it had Paris Hilton in it. "What? Don't you like horror films?" Marissa shook her head. Alex laughed, throwing her arm over the taller girl's schedule. The comfort felt good. Maybe, just maybe she could get through the one horror film. Marissa ducked under Alex's arm, another scary image flashing on the screen. The girls watched for a while, every so often something would spook Marissa and she would cling to Alex's arm. It was like a pattern.

Marissa sighed, the movie was finally over. She had made it through with Alex's help. Looking at her position Marissa found her body pressed tightly against Alex's. She blushed, backing off so that they were out of each others space. Marissa had done it. She was finally comfortable with Alex. She was finally happy.

"Night," Alex whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

God, posting chapters is eye hurting… gah… and now my ears hurt too, stupid music tv channel… play something good for once lol well here it is…

Night went on, bodies rolled, feet kicked and positions shifted, Marissa the most shifting of anyone. She wanted to get closer to the warmth. She wanted to feel Alex's body against hers.

The warm light of the sun woke the two girls up. Registering the disturbance, Marissa fluttered her eyes open. She was so close to Alex. Marissa blushed. Her body had curled around the girl, her arm slung over Alex's stomach, and nose nuzzling the back of the blonde's neck. She didn't move though. It was rather nice being this close. Plus, Alex smelled good. She wished every night could be like this so warm, so happy. She wished they could spend the rest of her life with Alex. Nuzzling her nose closer to Alex's neck, Marissa engrossed herself in the blonde's delicious scent.

"Alex," she breathed in. Did she just speak? It was over. She just knew it. She just woke up Alex. Receiving no response, Marissa sighed. She didn't have to move just yet. She could stay like that for now. It was funny. When they were dating they never did this. It was either sex or sleep, never just snuggling. This was new. This was amazing. Why didn't it happen before? Why didn't they ever share moments like this?

"Mmm," Alex groaned. "Marissa, you're warm." Marissa eyes shot open, her body jerking back. Her arms didn't let go though. Marissa just held close to Alex. Scooting towards her to eliminate the space she had created. Alex giggled her own body backing into the taller girl's lap. Marissa blinked. Did she just scoot closer to her? Marissa smiled deep inside. Maybe Alex liked her? Maybe this was a sign. Marissa sighed and held on as long as she could. She never wanted it to end. She wanted this to last forever. "Okay, we should get up." Alex told her friend. Marissa grunted in reply, her hands clasping each other. She wasn't going to let Alex go just yet.

Alex tried to pry Marissa off her, but the harder she pried the stronger Marissa's grip became. Marissa would never let her go, never. She would never again loose Alex. Marissa felt Alex's body strain in her hold. She wanted to get out. Marissa bit her lip. She was going to have let go sometime. She just wished not now. Marissa sighed.

"Fine, we can stay for a little bit longer. I'm tired anyway." Alex gave up, falling limp in Marissa's arms. Marissa smiled. She won. Marissa nuzzled her nose back into Alex's neck, loving the scent that surrounded the blonde. Fighting the desire to kiss Alex, Marissa pulled back a little, her hips accidentally pressing harder against Alex. Alex let out a soft moan. Marissa blushed pulling back, her arms still strong against the blonde's waist. "I'm sorry, now we really have to get up." Alex breathed. Marissa sighed. That move had been too much. Damn, why'd she have to go and ruin everything?

"That was… nice." Marissa whispered under her breath, releasing her hold. She watched Alex throw the covers to the floor, stand and then stretch. Marissa licked her lips. She wanted kiss her so bad. She didn't care if she couldn't kiss her; she at least wanted to be close to her. Marissa sighed, shivering at the cool air biting her skin. Jumping to her feet, Marissa scrambled for her clothes. Marissa stuck her tongue out. They were filthy. There was no way she was going to wear them. Alex giggled at this site, hand covering mouth, and a smile in her eyes. "God," Marissa muttered to herself shoving her clothes to the side.

"Here, I think these will fit better." Alex smiled, chucking a yellow t-shirt and a skirt at Marissa. Marissa caught it. She never thought in a million year that she'd be at Alex's house, not after the bonfire. But now she was here in Alex's house, sharing her clothes, falling back in love. As happy as that thought was she knew she had to stop herself. Alex didn't want to snuggle, and that was proof enough for Marissa to know that Alex didn't want her. Trudging to the bathroom, Marissa hung her head low. She wished Alex wanted the same as her. If only Alex did, then she wouldn't be fighting herself. She wouldn't have to hold back. She could just grab Alex and kiss her. Well, maybe not that, but she would have the courage to do something. Marissa pealed her substitute pajamas off, her eyes immediately falling to the mirror.

She had always thought she was beautiful. At her old school no guy could resist her, not even her ex, yet now she was fighting for Alex's love. She had never fought for someone before. Boys had always just sat at her heel, waiting for a chance. But now here she was, in their shoes, fighting for Alex's love, but at the same time she was fighting herself not to love Alex. God was she confused. Pulling on the new top, Marissa dropped her train of thought. There was no use for it. She was a friend, nothing more. For all she knew Alex could already have another girlfriend. She slid into the skirt, her lip teetering between her teeth.

Marissa stepped out of the bathroom, her head clear of thoughts. Well it was clear until she spied a naked Alex. Marissa gulped. _Please don't let her notice._ Not being able to help herself, Marissa stared at Alex in wonder, a steam of drool dribbling down her chin. She loved that body from head to toe. She wanted to show Alex how much she loved it, but in the current situations, that was impossible. Deciding that it was too risky to keep her watch, Marissa tip toed back to the bathroom, making sure the door closed with out a creek. She had to remember knock. Knocking on the door this time, Marissa asked if it was okay to come out.

"Come in," Alex's voice ran through the room. Marissa stumbled out of the bathroom, catching herself before she ate the floor. She had to stop thinking. That was it. She couldn't be falling over every second, because she was gawking over Alex. Blushing profusely, Marissa pretended to wipe the dirt off her outfit. She didn't want to look like a fool in front Alex. She strutted over to the bed, plopping herself down like nothing had happened, like she hadn't walked in on Alex naked. Alex took no notice, skipping out of the room. Where was she going? Marissa sighed. Did Alex not like her anymore? Was this morning too much?

"No food, what now, I'm so not going out for breakfast." Alex smirked, leaning a hand on the door frame. Marissa gnawed at her lip. What to say? What to say? Fumbling with her hands, the tall brunette stood. She hadn't thought of breakfast. She never had breakfast at home, so she wasn't very hungry. It was like when they were together at her house when Alex told her mom she wasn't hungry.

"Well, you're lucky; I'm not that into breakfast." Marissa smirked, her hands tugging at her shirt. _I just want to eat you_, Marissa licked her lips absentmindedly. She wanted to do more than eat her, but she couldn't. And that strain pulled at her body. She had to battle that want. She had to starve herself, and just like being hungry for food, she was hungry for Alex's love. Alex walked up to Marissa, laying a hand on her shoulder. Marissa jumped up.

"Well, then we can go back to bed, watch some movies." Alex whispered into Marissa's ear. Marissa suppressed a moan in her throat, Alex's warm breath sending new sensations through her body. The blonde backed off, leaving Marissa hanging in the middle of the room. Marissa closed her eyes, gulping down another heap of moans. Alex lifted her top over her head, causing Marissa to fall backwards onto the bed. "Sorry, forgot we weren't dating." Alex turned around and replaced her top. Marissa giggled. She felt reassured all of the sudden. Maybe Marissa sighed, the ache was unbearable. She wanted to wrap herself around Alex, feel the pleasure of her skin against hers.

"Ah, it's okay," Marissa scampered into the bathroom and replaced her clothes with the "pajamas" Alex had given her. She didn't bother to knock once more, but lucky for her, Alex was already clothed and under the covers. She sighed although that was a lucky thing; inside she had wished Alex was naked. Inside she wanted to gawk over Alex's wonders. Even though she knew it was wrong. Any person in there right mind would not want to look at their ex naked. Most people hated their ex's. Why did find herself in love with her ex?

Scuttling over to the bed, Marissa crawled in, making sure she wasn't to close. Unfortunately for her, she found herself cuddled up to Alex. It was like no matter how much she fought. How much she battled; she couldn't stop herself from scooting closer to Alex. It was like her body was metal and Alex was a magnet. It was impossible to pull them apart. Marissa sighed once more, hoping Alex wouldn't mind.

Through the flashing images playing on the TV, Marissa's head began to overflow with questions. Well it was more like it was concentrated on one question. It was the same question as before. Why did they spend for time like this when they were a couple? Why? Marissa danced her hand over the covers. It was so warm. It was never warm when they dated. It was always a cool, haste atmosphere, only edging on the need of one another. An atmosphere filled with lust not love.

"I miss this. Just being close to you, in your arms," Marissa lost control of her mouth a body, running her finger over Alex's bare stomach. Her tan skin was soft, softer than anything she'd ever felt. She wanted to feel more. She wanted to touch more. Surrendering to her need, Marissa let another few fingers trail over Alex's bare skin. Marissa blushed, throwing herself at Alex. She bit her lip. What was she doing? She was going to be kicked out for sure. She couldn't stop. Her fingers kept running up and down the blonde's midriff without control. God she had to stop. If she didn't, who knows how Alex would react?

"That tickles," Alex laughed, unconsciously rolling on top of Marissa. That was not what she had predicted. She smirked. That 'maybe Alex liked me' was quickly edging towards a 'yes Alex liked me.' Marissa gazed up at Alex, her hips buzzing with excitement. "Now, my turn!" Alex began her sweet torture on Marissa's sides, running her constantly wiggling fingers up and down. Oh god Alex touching her body felt even better. She wanted to stay under Alex forever, but her reactions to Alex's wrath of tickling were growing drastic. She had begun to kick out at ever touch.

"Stop," she laughed. Alex ignored her plead, taking her 'torture' to the extreme. The brunette squealed, throwing her arms all over the place. Marissa threw her head back in surrender; afraid she might hurt the girl she loved. Alex refused to take it, her attack becoming for furious. "S-stop, I-I'm going t-t-to hur-hurt you!" Marissa coughed our through laughs. Alex abided to Marissa pleads, collapsing on top of the taller brunette. Their bodies were so close. Marissa loved it. She sighed. If there was anytime to reveal her love this was the time. The taller girl gulped. "Alex, I know this is fast and all, but what if we tried again? You know, dating?" Marissa breathed, her words hanging on fragile strands, one slip and they were lost.

Dropping her gaze from Alex, Marissa fumbled with her hands. She had said it, but now she resented it. The queasy silence that hung in the air told her it was a bad idea. A small tear trickled down her cheek. She had tried. What else could she say? Feeling fingers sift through her glossy locks, Marissa looked up at Alex with blurry eyes. Maybe she hadn't done something wrong.

"I don't know," Alex sighed, staring at Marissa, her eyes smiling in their own way. The brunette gulped. _Please don't say no, please don't say no_. Marissa trembled with excitement. Alex was considering her proposal. There was a chance. Gaining an odd bound of courage, Marissa leaned up and kissed Alex on the cheek. Did she really jus to that? Marissa blinked. Damn, was she getting brave? "Ok, we can try, but no lying, and no moving in right away." Marissa nearly jumped off the bed, saving herself by holding onto Alex. Blushing like a mad woman, Marissa scratched the back of her neck. She was such a klutz.

"I can't believe we're dating!" Marissa shrieked, placing a kiss on Alex's lips.


	8. Chapter 8

Yay one more chapter to go before I'm done posting … 

"I missed our 'special' time," Marissa crashed her lips on Alex's. God she never felt so good, so, so happy. Alex was hers. She could say that now. She didn't have to hide her feelings. She didn't have to say they were just friends. She could say they were dating. She could tell the world. Marissa could squeal she was so happy, but she held it in, fueling the kiss with passion. Marissa's hands wandered up and down Alex's frame. Her skin sought for skin, her hands crawling for heat. Marissa elicited a moan as her skin found bare skin. God was this heaven. "I missed this." Marissa whispered into the kiss. She could feel Alex's lips smirk into the kiss. Marissa smirked back, groaning as Alex's tongue caressed her lower lip. Marissa gladly gave Alex access.

"Whoa, going a little fast don't you think," Alex moaned when she felt Marissa buck her hips against hers. She knew she should be going slowly, but the sensations were just so much. They called for bucking hips, for wandering hands, for naked skin. Marissa refused to listen; or rather her body wouldn't let her listen. All she could do was hope that they didn't go too far. Her hips bucked as she kissed down Alex's neck. Her skin tasted like it did a year ago, sweet yet sour. She loved that taste. The way it just shot at her. The way the taste was one of its kind. Nothing else tasted like Alex. Two strong hands clutched Marissa's shoulders, and, through her moaning, Alex shoved the girl off. "We need to slow this down." The blonde advised her. Marissa pouted _stupid slow thing. _

"I'm sorry; it just felt so, so good." Marissa kissed Alex on the cheek. "I missed it." It was all true. Every bit of what she was saying true. For once she wasn't lying. For once she didn't have to. Alex sighed, untangling small knots in her girlfriend's hair. Marissa smiled to herself. Finally her life was coming together. She was at peace. She could breathe. Marissa perched her head on Alex's chest, listening to her steady heart beat. _I want this forever. _Marissa closed her eyes, the beat lulling her to sleep.

"Hey, Alex, I'm back!" Alex grumbled something as Johnny barged into the room.

"I'm not dead!" Marissa shot up from her resting place. Alex giggled, her hand running up to cover her mouth. Turning fire truck red, Marissa dived under the covers, hiding her half-naked form. Why did her clothes have to be so revealing? They were good when it was just her and Alex, but now there was Johnny in the mix. And no way was she going to let some random guy see her body. She was not a slut, or she wasn't a slut anymore. She was going to have a girlfriend, not girlfriends or boyfriends.

"Whoa, sorry, didn't know you had a visitor. Hey, isn't that the new girl?" Johnny rubbed the back of his neck. Marissa -still fully engulfed by the down comforter- studied Johnny. He was average height for a guy, maybe around her height. His hair was brown and flopped all over his head, tangling within itself. His clothes were stained, confirming he had just had sex. Marissa scrunched her nose. Did she mention he smelled like pig poop? Alex needed serious help. If she could stand that stench, she was a stench. And Marissa did not like stench, but she could make an exception for Alex… hopefully.

"Yeah, Marissa, meet Johnny, Johnny, meet Marissa." Alex pulled Marissa out of hiding. Marissa slapped Alex's arm, pulling the covers over her body. Was she kidding? Did Alex want the world to see her naked? God she hoped not. She didn't want to be Newport's own porn star. That was her mother's job, not hers. Marissa raised a hand giving a small wave to Johnny. She would be nice, but she wouldn't talk, not until she was fully clothed. She had made a rule as of now, no talking to guys unless she was fully clothed.

"Hi," Johnny smiled returning Marissa's wave. "Alex you going a little fast, you just met the girl didn't you?" Alex smiled and whispered in Marissa's ear. Marissa held her hand to her mouth. That was a drastic thing to say, but she liked it. And hey, a little lie couldn't hurt. Then again, she didn't want to lie. Lying was what broke them up last time, but she wasn't lying to Alex. Did it count? Marissa sighed, shuffling the blanket between her fingers. Finding a decision, Marissa whispered into Alex's ear, gaining a smirk in response.

"Yeah, turns out she likes threesomes too, you want to join?" Alex lied. Marissa choked down a cluster of laughs and giggles. If there was one thing she was bad at, it had to be not laughing at Alex's lies. She had always laughed at Alex's lies. Whether it was a serious lie that Alex couldn't prove or one of these funny lies, she had always laughed. And this one, no matter whom, would make anyone laugh. Marissa held her mouth straight though, pretending to look Johnny over. She had to play the part. She had to want that threesome. Johnny's hands flew up sending a fit of giggles Marissa's way. Marissa, of course, hid them well.

"No, no you girls keep doing what you're doing." Johnny pivoted around. Marissa burst into a fit of giggles. Alex punched her. She was supposed to be keeping a lie, and she was doing a horrible job. The lie was supposed to last as long as possible, and three seconds wasn't long. It was probably the shortest length for a lie ever. There she had it, the world's shortest lie. She made world records. Yeah right, but that lie was pretty short.

"I was joking. I know her. She was the reason I came here, and she was my ex." Alex informed him, playing with her purple streak. Marissa slammed her eyes shut. Why did that word, ex, get to her so much? It wasn't like they were exes anymore. They were dating. So why did it get to her? Did she not want Johnny to know they had already dated? "We just got back together." Alex smiled, kissing Marissa on the cheek. Marissa agreed it was that. Something about Johnny knowing her past just ticked her off. God she needed to cool. She couldn't get mad every time her past came up. She had to play it cool, or even be cool in real life. Johnny mumbled something under his breath and walked off.

"Well that was eventful," Marissa smirked, scooting off the bed. The cool air against her skin sent shivers down her back. Alex had been so warm; the cool air was a surprise. Alex did the same, stretching her arms up. The cool air seemed to have no affect on her. "Well, I'm ready for lunch." Marissa padded her stomach. Her belly grumbled loudly. Her stomach had always been noisy when hungry, but this grumble was the loudest of all loud. Alex laughed as she pulled off her shirt and replaced it with a clean one. Of course Marissa's eyes shot wide open. Alex was her treasure, which meant Alex's treasures were hers for the taking.

"You're going out in that?" Alex raised an eyebrow doing a once over with her finger. Marissa pushed Alex's shoulder, grabbing the clothes Alex had given her this morning. She scuttled into the bathroom. Slipping on the clothes, Marissa tried her hardest to keep her mind blank, but it wasn't working. All she could think about was Alex. It was Alex this, Alex that. Not once did one of her thoughts revolve around something that's not Alex. Shaking her head, Marissa stepped out of the bathroom. Alex immediately pulled her outside. The famous red jeep was parked outside, waiting patiently for the two girls. Marissa had her bag with her. No clue where she had actually found the time to grab it, but she had the bag none the less. "Since I need to get home, and you have to give me a ride anyway, you want to eat there." Marissa suggested.

"Sure, might be fun seeing Seth and the others." Alex smiled.


	9. Chapter 9

Yes done, officially done.. well not really, but I'm done posting for right now.. wait another 2-3 days for chapter hopefully… that is unless I find another great story to read and my head is to crammed to write lol

The car was going about sixty-seven miles per an hour, but to Marissa it didn't feel like that. To her, the car was a slug. No trip, no car ride could be as slow as this one. She just wanted to get home, eat and get back into bed and think. Well maybe not think, maybe just lie down on the bed, rest, relax, and come to her senses. But right now she had to go face Ryan. She knew if she never did it now, she'd never be able to. Plus, if she couldn't face Ryan, how could she and Alex ever be together? How could she be strong enough to tell the world that she was dating Alex?

Marissa shivered at the thought of being too scared. What if she was scared? What was she going to tell Alex? It wasn't like she wanted to chicken out, but what if Alex thought she was? What if Alex thought this was all a game, like last time? Marissa forbade that thought from crossing her head. There was no more last time. There was only now. There was only this. Marissa chuckled to herself. That was the last time she quoted Rent. God this wasn't time to be laughing. This was the time to gather that bubble of courage she had found when she asked Alex for a second chance. And if she could do that, how could she prove anything to Alex?

Marissa felt of Alex's eyes slide on and off her form. She was worried. Whenever Alex did that, she was worried, which meant she wasn't keeping her cool. Of everything, she didn't want Alex to worry. That was the last thing she needed, a worried Alex. That, and letting her fears get the best of her. Sensing Alex's soft hand on her thigh, Marissa met Alex's blue eyes. There was the worry she had been hoping wouldn't be, resting in her eyes. Marissa gave a reassuring smile, registering the red light that stood in front of a long line of cars. It didn't work. Alex's hand caressed Marissa cheek. Marissa leaned into the warmth, a small tear dancing down her cheek. She couldn't control herself. Thoughts kept coming, fears kept exploding, and nothing good was coming from going home.

"Baby," Alex hushed, wiping the tear off Marissa's cheek. Marissa choked down a harsh sob. She knew why she was crying this time. It was because of that secret. The one thing she couldn't share with Alex. She knew she would have to share it sometime. Its pain was too heavy on her back not to. But right now, right now was not the time. She wasn't ready. She wasn't ready for any of it. She wanted to go home. She wanted to tell everyone the good news. Well almost everybody, she had a bubble of nerves boiling her belly for telling Ryan. What would he say? That didn't even matter. She didn't want to see him period. The only reason she was going home was she didn't have clothes. Not only did she not have clothes, she didn't want to impose on Alex. Plus, she needed to squeal her heart out to Summer.

A screaming horn punched the too girls out of their thoughts. Alex peeled herself away from Marissa, her eyes meeting a green light and a large gap in front of her. Alex slammed her foot on the gas sending the car crashing forward. Marissa gulped. Did she make Alex mad? Why was she so annoyed all of the sudden. Hearing her girlfriend mumble a swear or two, Marissa's stomach began to churn. Why was Alex so mad? Did she figure out she was hiding something? No, she couldn't have. She didn't even tell Summer about it, so how would she know? Marissa settled into her chair, choking down tears. She had to stop crying.

"Baby, please stop crying," Alex's soft voice soothed her ears. "I don't want to see you cry." Marissa wiped her tears with the back of her hand. Alex wasn't mad at her; that was a good thing. Marissa managed to gather up a weak smile, that smile disappearing the second Alex's gaze returned to the wheel. "Look, we'll be there in about five minutes. Baby, if you can hold on until then I can be there for you babe. But right now I have to drive." Marissa sighed, her tears starting to drift away. "You'll see Summer, don't you want to spill your heart's delight to her?" Alex had that kind of effect on her. She was this magical strain of relief for her. Anything she said calmed her down. Even her touch sent waves of relief through her body, but right now the only thing that mattered was what Alex was saying.

Marissa relaxed for the last five minutes of the nerve wracking ride, letting Alex do all the work. It wasn't work, it was more calling their friends and getting them out of bed. Well she guessed verbally getting Summer out of bed could be called work. Marissa chuckled at the idea. She had forgotten what had troubled her for the few minutes in the car. She still had no idea. All she knew was that memory was going to come up again. That feeling was going to be thrown at her again. Closing her eyes, Marissa took a deep breath in, only to open them again and find the diner sitting in front of her.

Marissa took a huge breath in. Holding it tight between her lips, she spied her childhood friend, the obnoxious geek and chino. Oh god, chino, how was she going to do this? Marissa gulped down her fears, sliding out of the car. She nearly crashed back down onto the seat from the impact of Summer's embrace. The shorter brunette was jumping with excitement, up down, up down, a cascade of dark brown hair following her every move. Marissa giggled, returning her friend's hug. That was Summer. The happy, cheery Summer that brought happiness to all, or so she says.

"Hey, uh, Alex long time, no see." Seth hugged Alex. Marissa smiled. Seth's bouncy attitude and outgoing personality always appealed to her. In some sense, she wanted to be like him. She wanted people to like her at first sight, not think of her as a stuck up snob. She wasn't a snob. She was just shy. Well, shy wasn't the word, she was… There really wasn't a word she'd use to describe her. The only time she was truly true was when she was drunk, but even then she would hold back a tiny bit. Alex smiled, returning Seth's hug. Marissa sighed, forgetting her previous thoughts. She had to live in the moment. Her past didn't matter right now.

The gang shuffled into the diner, everyone chatting with excitement that is everyone but Ryan. Marissa was glad. Knowing Ryan, his remark was bound to be an unneeded one. He didn't used to be like that. Marissa used to love who he was, but now every word he spoke hurt her. Now he was different. Now he was harsh. It was like he had to remind her of her mistakes, of that memory. Marissa shook her head, sliding in beside Alex.

"You two back together?" Seth clapped his hands, an ear to ear smile prompt on his face. Marissa nodded 'yes' ready for any perverted comments Seth would make. She didn't mind them actually. She thought they were immature, but coming from Seth and that cheesy smile they had this odd cuteness to them. It was like a baby saying slut. It was funny. "Oh goodie, picture, videos, anything?" He joked. Summer slapped him, the sound of her palm against his skin biting at Marissa's ears. _That had to hurt._ So far so good, Ryan was being quiet. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

"That's just like you, running back to your ex again. Can't you ever find someone new? Or are you that stupid to think it will work again. Or wait, maybe it's both. 'Cause I'm pretty sure there were a million boys begging at you feet when you ran back to me." She just had to think that. Ryan's words punched Marissa in the feet. This couldn't be happening. She knew he was going to say something harsh but not that harsh, not that hurtful. A sheet of tears covered her eyes. Why'd he have to be so mean? Why couldn't he at least try to be nice?

"It wasn't like that!" she shouted through shaky sobs. "I never came back to you!" She hurled herself off the leather seat and out the door.


	10. Chapter 10

Yay next chapter done!! Sorry it's so shot.. My mind was going dead at the time lol ok plz read!! THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO REVEIWED!

Disclaimer: I don't own OC if I did, Che would be the main character, not Ryan

Marissa screamed out as she pushed through the door, her tears flying out behind her. God she had to leave. She couldn't be seen like that. She couldn't face the facts, the pain… She couldn't face Ryan again. She couldn't face the past. Marissa water-blurred eyes shot at the beach. It was her favorite place to go in time of crisis, but being a Saturday, she was sure it was crowded. Still she decided to take a look. What could it hurt? All she would find would be a full beach. Marissa stumbled back, for once she was lucky. The beach was empty. Marissa shook her head, sprinting towards the lifeguard tower, but just as her foot hit the sand a hand grabbed her arm.

"Coop!" Marissa halted at her best friend's voice. Why wasn't it Alex holding her back? Where was Alex? Why was it Summer doing all the 'go catch Marissa' work? "I know, I know, you wanted Alex! But she's right now giving Ryan his first black since the day he moved here." Marissa smirked. That was her Alex. Always over protective, then again, everyone she dated, except for the mistakes -DJ- , were over protective. Marissa wiped her eyes, dragging her foot in the sand. _Why won't the tears go away?_ Marissa plunged into Summer's arms, burying her face in her shoulder.

"She better be giving him the butt kicking of a lifetime." Marissa choked out through sobs. It was funny what she thought about at a time like this. How bad Ryan's ass was being kicked. She should be more worried for herself rather then Ryan's ass. Summer chuckled. "I'm sorry…." She blubbered, clutching the soft material of Summer's sweatshirt. What was she sorry for? God it was just like her, saying sorry for no reason whatsoever.

"Oh, Ryan's getting the beating of a lifetime. I'm pretty sure he'll be crying like a baby for a week." Summer smirked, running her fingers through the brunette's hair. Marissa sighed, loosening her grip on her best friend. She had the best friend and the best girlfriend a girl could have. She was lucky for that. She was lucky to have them, yet her life couldn't be worse. She was a wreck. The only good thing she had was Alex and Summer. "You have nothing to be sorry for." Summer hushed, giving the girl a tight squeeze. Marissa sniffled. God the hug felt nice, not as nice as Alex's but nice. Nothing could match Alex's hugs, nothing. Alex was just Alex.

"Baby," the voice felt like heaven to her ears. "Are you alright? What's wrong?" Marissa released her self from Summer's hold, jumping into Alex's hold. She engulfed herself in Alex's scent. "Oh god, baby," Alex kissed Marissa's hair over and over again. Marissa bit her lip, clutching Alex closer. Already the tears were flying away. She sighed through her phlegm filled mouth. "Want to tell me what happened?" Alex dipped her head down, her fingers egging Marissa's chin up. Marissa eyes darted to the side, then back up at Alex's. She had to tell her, but was it the right time? What if Alex went crazy? What if she lost her mind? Marissa gulped. That was it she had to tell her. She had to be strong.

"After you, after us… After we broke up, I was a mess. I wanted you more than ever. I'm sorry I meant to come back… I meant to find you sooner. I went to Ryan for help…. He… He didn't like the idea." Marissa coughed out, raking her nails across Alex's back. "He got mad. He wanted to get back together. W-when I told him…. When I told him…" Marissa trailed off, collapsing to her knees, bringing Alex with her. "He attacked me… Brothers are brothers till the end." Marissa whimpered, pressing herself closer into Alex's heat. She couldn't believe she was blurting her heart out to Alex. She hadn't even told Summer about it. Now she was telling her girlfriend of one and half days not counting last years fling. They were close, yes, but she didn't know that they could become so close in so little time. She didn't know it only took a few days to trust someone.

"I'm here now. If he ever tries to get near you again, I'll be there. We'll make it through together. I promise, and if it means beating up Ryan or any guy for that matter, I will." Alex raised her fist in the air all patriot like. Marissa giggled through the tears, wiping them away as she did. She had to cheer up. She had to smile. "Oh, and about Ryan, if you ever want to see him I'd look for the closest crib, 'cause he's going to be crying for weeks." Alex smirked, kissing her girlfriend's forehead. She had to see that. Ryan crying, now that was something she had never seen. Marissa eyed Summer standing, watching them, and gave her a small smile.

Alex arms tugged Marissa closer if that was even possible, helping the shaky girl stand up. Marissa kissed Alex on the cheek, peeling herself of her. She loved the warmth, but the world didn't surround her wants. She had to be able to stand alone without Alex's help before she could accept it without end. She had to live life without help, because one day she wouldn't have someone like Alex or Summer to cry on. She'd only have herself, and if she had to deal with this by herself, she would have died.

"Alex, would you mind taking me home?" Marissa asked her eyes glued to the white-foam-tipped waves. Alex gave a short nod, grabbing the lanky girl's hand. Marissa sighed, wiping her puffy-red eyes. Right now home sounded very nice, even if it was home to the devil. She didn't care. Home had a nice, soft bed with the word sleep printed on it. And right now, sleep was the one thing on her mind.


	11. Chapter 11

YAY another chapter up and ready to be read! Yay my reviewers thank you!

The Cooper household was rather quiet, an unusual thing, but a very nice thing indeed. Marissa sighed. She didn't know the last time the house was this quiet. Alex gripped Marissa's hand tightly, shuffling into the house. The lanky brunette didn't know what she was getting into. Bringing Alex to her home where the devil lived on their second day together was not the smartest idea. The last time she brought Alex home the devil wasn't exactly pleased. Marissa squeezed Alex's hand, her eyes darting every nook and cranny. Where was her mother? Not spying the older woman, she snuck down the hall and into her room.

The taller girl collapsed on her bed, stretching her arms up. She didn't know starting over was going to be so hard. She knew it was going to be hard but not this hard. Not so hard that she was crying twenty-four-seven. At least she was making it through with Alex by her side. Marissa felt a sudden movement on the bed. Alex had crawled on the bed, lying half on the bed half on Marissa. Marissa settled a moan, running her fingers through the blonde's hair. She was so beautiful. Even if it was supposed to be the other way around, Marissa loved just being able to hold Alex. Alex smiled and leaned up and kissed Marissa, running her fingers along the round of her jaw line.

"Beautiful, just beautiful." Alex whispered, stealing another kiss. Marissa blushed, loving the attention she was getting. Not one of her three boyfriends, that being Luke, Ryan, and DJ (she wasn't counting Volchek), had given her this type of attention. This type of attention was new, and she liked it. She wouldn't let it slip out of her fingers like her past relationships had. She was going to hold onto it for as long as possible. The padding of footsteps along the hallways woke the two girls from basking in each others presence.

"Marissa! Are you home?" Her mother's voice bit through the air. It was the harsh fact of reality: moms ruin everything. She hated that fact. Whenever she was in the middle of a moment her mother or someone else's mother would interrupt. And now it was her mother's turn. "Oh Alex, I didn't know… You were …" Julie stepped back, seeing the girls' positions. "…back…" With the last word, Julie's face flashed a pale white her entire body loosing life. Mrs. Cooper had fainted. Marissa burst into a fit of laughter. Never once had she seen her mother faint. She had come close when she found out she and DJ the gardener were dating, but she never actually did.

"That wasn't what I expected," Marissa lifted an eyebrow at her mother's body. Standing up, the bonny brunette sauntered towards Julie, tapping her on the shoulder. The redhead blinked her eyes open, her mouth wide open. Marissa muffled a laugh, helping her mother up. If she had the choice though, she'd leave her mother there, just step right over her like she was nothing. It was sadly only a thought. If she didn't help her mother up, who knows what could happen? Most likely a big kick in the butt from her mom, and that would not be pleasant.

"She's one weird mother…" Marissa jumped up feeling Alex's lips up against her ear. _When did she get so close?_ She whispered a soft moan, arching back into Alex's form. "You know your mom is right there." Alex nipped at her earlobe. It felt so good, just to feel her touch, her hot breath against her skin. Marissa wanted more. She couldn't: enter in the mom situation. Marissa smirked.

"Well, I'm not the one making out with my ear in front of her." Marissa nudged Alex playfully. Julie, now fully awake and conscious, stared at the scene forming in front of her. Marissa gulped. Who knows what here mother was going to do? One moment she could be mad or surprised, and the next moment she could be happy and welcoming. Marissa hated that about her mother. She could never tell what the devil was going to do unless it had to do with something or someone she hated, and at the moment, she didn't know what her mother thought about Alex.

"Thank you," the redhead growled, baring her manmade teeth. "Alex, I suspect you're here to collect your things that Marissa stole from you. Please do so and then leave," Julie wiped the nonexistent dirt off her skirt and padded away. Alex stared blankly at the door. Marissa wiped her face with her hand. She never thought her mother could be that rude.

"I'm so sorry about that." Marissa apologized, dragging her feet over to her bed. Alex followed until she was standing before Marissa, arms wrapped around her waist. Marissa shivered with delight, pressing her form into Alex. She stared into Alex's gaze. It was filled with love. Sighing, Marissa leaned in, capturing Alex's lips. The taste hit her senses with a wave of delight. It was as if she had never kissed Alex before. She smiled into the kiss; life was perfect. Well, perfect minus the mother. She just had to get rid of that small, yet prominent annoyance.

"So what do you have of mine anyway?" Alex broke that kiss, resting her forehead on Marissa's. Marissa smirked, placing a finger on Alex's nose. She had stolen, well rather, borrowed many things of Alex. She had planned to give them back, but instead she had kept them in hope of Alex coming back to get them. Back then she wanted Alex so bad she was using 'blackmail' to do it. It never worked. Alex didn't return for her belongings. But now, in some way, she had come back. She had come back to her all because she had shot someone, talk about Karma. "I don't remember loosing anything." Marissa pulled away from Alex's hold.

"Let's see there's the robe, the two shirts, the heart, um I think that's it." Marissa counted on her finger. A fake-angry yell rang through the room as Alex ran at Marissa. Alex shoved the brunette on the bed, pinning her below her.

"You little criminal!" She growled, punishing the girl with kisses. Marissa didn't call it a punishment at all though. Any contact with Alex she got was heaven to her. She loved every one of those kisses no matter how rough they were. Alex whispered something about 'not working,' but Marissa didn't really catch the whole thing, the kisses taking her brain away. Marissa moaned in disappointment as Alex stopped kissing her. She wanted the contact again. Hearing a soft chuckle, Marissa looked up only to find two hands coming down on her, their fingers constantly moving.

"No! Stop… " Marissa burst into laughter. Alex paid little to no attention to the girls pleads, continuing her tickle torture.


	12. Chapter 12

Marissa moaned feeling Alex's mouth trail wet kisses down her neck. She had forgotten how good it felt. How when Alex's lips touched her on the lips, neck, anywhere, shockwaves pulsed through her body. It only happened with Alex. When Luke, Ryan or DJ for that matter had given her that type of attention she had to fake a moan to make them happy, but with Alex, they were genuine, no doubt about it moans. Marissa arched her back, wanting to feel Alex even more. The light touch of Alex's hands sliding over her stomach was driving her crazy. She wanted more than ever to grab one of those lush hands and shove it up her skirt, but she had to abide by the rule of going slow. She knew that rule was going to save her, going fast might ruin their relationship. But right now it sounded like a good idea.

Alex obviously could feel the need building in Marissa, sneaking a hand under Marissa's shirt. Marissa let out a sharp breath. God did it feel good. Every touch was torture masked with sweet relief. It bit down her need then crated a new one. Torture, a word normally associated with pain, but right now it meant pleasure. She didn't quite know how to explain how torture could be pleasure. It just could. And Alex had perfected it. The torture she was getting was amazing. It left her on the edge, making her scream from every touch. It was brilliant. Marissa gulped down a moan. How did Alex do it? She was barely touching her, yet she had complete control. She could make Marissa do anything.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" A familiar voice shouted, a body flying through the door. Alex flew off Marissa, the two girls breathing heavy with fright. "Punching me, stealing my girlfriend!" Ryan spat at the girls, grabbing Alex by the collar of her shirt. Marissa screamed. What was she to do? She wasn't a match for Ryan. The only two girls she knew who could face off against him were Summer and Alex. She had to do something, but what? If she moved she didn't know what Ryan would do. Those fists could be pointed anywhere at anyone. That chance was too much for Marissa. "She's my girlfriend, not yours, got that?"

"Ryan, you know it's not like that! I never was your girlfriend." Marissa couldn't take it. She would not be referred to as 'girlfriend' from him. She would never be his girlfriend. Marissa scrambled for her cell phone. It was too late. By the time she reached it, it was already clutched in his hand. She whimpered softly. What was she to do? She could scream, but that would just put her mother in the mix. And her mother couldn't even fight a frog let alone Ryan.

"That's not what you said that night! You said you'd be my girlfriend. You said yes!" Ryan growled, with each sentence yanking on Alex's collar. "You said 'Ryan I'm your girlfriend, fuck me hard and fast,' thought I had forgotten hadn't you?" Ryan spat, reaching into his jeans. Marissa gulped. Was that what she thought it was? It was. The nozzle of a gun pointed directly on her. "Tell me you didn't say that. Tell me with a straight face." Marissa pressed her lips together. She had nothing to say. She couldn't say that. She would be lying. "That's right you can't because you said that!"

"No, Ryan you know I was drunk! I didn't know what I was saying!" Marissa shouted as she backed up. Colliding with the wall, Marissa grunted. How did she ever get herself in this position? She hadn't done anything wrong except for drinking too much one night. That wasn't enough for her to deserve this. Was it? Apparently 'yes' and now Alex was getting the brunt of her misdoings. This was all her fault. Marissa whimpered. She never meant for this to happen. Ryan had never acted this badly, but still she should have predicted something bad would happen. In her experience, bad things followed good things.

"That's no excuse!" He barked. "And now your girlfriend's gonna pay!" The gun was now pointed at Alex, safety removed. This was really it. She was going to watch Ryan hurt Alex, or worse, take her life. She couldn't bare it. She never wanted to see Alex hurt. Closing her eyes, she bit her lip, searching for courage. _Alex! _"Shoot me! Leave her alone, shoot me." Marissa shouted, throwing herself at Ryan. A clump of tears cluttered in her throat. She was going to die, but she was going to die for Alex. And if she was going to die for someone, who better to die for than Alex? She was going to save her loved one. She was going to be the hero.

"Now why would I want to do that?" Ryan grinned, placing a finger lightly on the trigger. "I want you remember?" Marissa bowed her head, so much for the hero idea. What was she to do? What could she do? The house phone was in the next room, if she went; Alex would die. She had tried giving up her own life. Marissa shivered. There was only one option left, agreeing to be Ryan's boyfriend. She would never do that, but Alex was going to die if she didn't. And Alex dying was more important then getting with Ryan. Love came first, and if that meant losing love to save love then that's what she was going to do.

"Fine… I'll be your girlfriend." Marissa coughed out, her eyes yelling sorry. Alex looked at her with understanding. Marissa refused to meet Alex's eyes too ashamed. She had just saved Alex but at a price. That price was love, was her life. Ryan lowered Alex to the floor, replaced the safety guard, stuffed the gun down his pants, and smirked. Marissa cringed at what she had to live with. There was no more going back. Her fate was sealed. She would no longer be Alex's. She would be Ryan's.


	13. Chapter 13

She had never been so sad to see the pool house. The walls were screaming at her, telling her to leave, but the fact that she couldn't kept kicking her while she was down. Marissa dangled her legs over the side of the bed. Ryan had retreated to the bathroom, leaving her to fight with her self. She had never felt such a strong pain eating at her heart. All she wanted to do was rip her heart out, to kill the pain inside her, to kill herself. If she killed herself, she wouldn't feel the pain. Her eyes fell on the gun sleeping peacefully on the night table. She could do it right now, get it over with. She could get away from Ryan. She could make it so Alex would never see them together. So Alex wouldn't hurt.

Gulping, Marissa, with a shaky hand, grappled for the gun. The steel metal cooled her hand. She was going to do it, end her life. She wasn't going to suffer through Ryan's rein. She wasn't going to live a life of pain. The click of the safety being released was silent against the echo of her nervous heart. _I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything._ She bit her lip, three sorry-filled tears dripping down her cheeks. There was no turning back after she pulled the trigger. Delicately sliding her pointer onto the thin metal piece, she took a heavy breath in. This was for Alex.

"Stop!" Ryan ripped the gun from Marissa's hand. She whimpered, the thin trigger digging into her hand. Had he really stopped her? Was he turning good? She didn't know, but he had just saved her life. "Don't you ever kill yourself, if anyone gets to kill, you it'll be me." He lifted her by the collar. Marissa held back a scream knowing if she caused anyone too notice he would do something drastic. She was helpless now. There was nothing she could do but hope for the best, hope that he didn't take out his anger on her.

"Stop," she whimpered, feeling her back slam against the wall. She had no control. She could tell him to stop as much as she wanted, but it meant nothing if he didn't listen. Marissa closed her eyes allowing four tears to dribble down her cheeks. Ryan chuckled, pressing himself against Marissa, his nails digging into her hands. It hurt. Everything hurt. She was carrying his weight. Her nose was scrunched up from his disgusting scent, and she could feel his hardness underneath his jeans. It was all too much, too scary. She was really powerless.

His right hand released her hand only to make its journey down to her skirt and pull it off. She cried out, not registering his hand unzipping his pants. The only thing that could save her now was that gun, but she couldn't reach it. And even if she could, she could muster up the courage, the nerves to shoot him. She was done for. There was nothing she could do even if she tried. It was all over. Her life, her love, her dreams, everything was over. To the world, to herself, she was dead.

"Get your dirty little hands off of her you bastard!" A bright red blonde bolted through the door, sending a punch at Ryan's cheek. Marissa sighed in relief, her body sliding down the wall until her butt hit the ground. She was safe. Her savior, her hero had returned. She wasn't going to loose her life. She was going to be able to live it without the shame of being raped. She was going to be free. "How dare you!" Alex punched him once more, following up with a kick to the groin. Marissa willed a smile to her lips. That was her girl beating up Ryan. That was her Alex.

Marissa shut her eyes as Alex kept her attack going. She had seen so much violence in her life. This only added to it. This only made her nightmares worse, her fears more real. This only made her hate violence even more than she already did. Marissa gulped down a heap of tears, the reality of the situation hitting her straight on. She wasn't the hero. Alex was saving her for the millionth time. As much as she thanked Alex for being there, she wanted to be the hero. She wanted to save someone. _Just once. _She didn't want to rely on people. She didn't want to be the center of attention anymore. The world didn't revolve around her. If only other could see that, then maybe she would be given the chance to save herself once.

Shaking her head, Marissa grabbed for her ripped skirt. She shouldn't be thinking like that. She could never be the hero, at least not in this situation. Before Alex had arrived, she couldn't even manage to say a sentence. Who was she kidding? She couldn't even think. How would she save herself? If Alex hadn't came, what would have happened? She could never have been the hero in this situation. She didn't have the power. Marissa agreed with herself, rolling her fingers over the damaged piece of clothing.

It was useless. There were so many holes; she could never wear it. Everything would show if she did. Throwing it to the side, she mustered up enough power to watch the fight in front of her. Alex was throwing punches, kicks, anything that she could at Ryan. Ryan took them all with pleasure, returning each punch, each kick with more force. She could feel every punch Alex took. She felt the pain that rippled through her body. It was so strong. It forced her to cry. It forced her to think thoughts she had only though a mere minutes ago. It forced her to desire a release at any cost. She bit her lip.

Marissa's eyes darted around the room, searching for something sharp, something to take the pain away. Nothing, there was nothing but the gun breathing silently by Alex's foot. She didn't hurt enough to do that, to shoot herself. She just wanted a tiny release, a way to get away from the violence around her for a short moment. The gun wouldn't give her that. It would only give her permanent release.

"Gun," Marissa whispered out. Alex heard her. Dodging a punch, the blonde picked the gun up, pointing it at Ryan. Marissa clamped her eyes shut. It was over for him now. Now he was the one who needed a hero, not her. She was safe. Her hero had saved her. A loud bang hit the room, leaving a bloody Ryan collapsed on the floor and a gun clutched in Alex's hand. Ryan was dead, and Alex had killed him. Her girlfriend, her hero had just killed Ryan. Her girlfriend was a murderer.

THE END, or is it?

A/N: look for the sequal coming out soon To Make You Smile


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